By Umer Raza
There are things in life that you cannot know or understand before a certain period in life or an event in life. There are some age berries or experience barriers attached to each lesson. When I talk about learning I specifically refer to the learning ABOUT LIFE, not the skill based and knowledge base learning but an experiential learning. The experiential learning can also be bitter, but may create an image strong enough to last for a life time, provided you are open to the learn from these experiences and shape your life accordingly after it.
You remain with two choices after each event one is to think negatively about the event and curse the event organizer and your luck, second is to appreciate the event and think how worst it could have turned. Your destiny shall be determined by the way you took this event in life. Your future can be healthier, happier and breezy provided you maintain composure after the bitterness of learning and that you remain connected with Allah during and after the learning. If you leave the connection part no learning is worth it and no experience is worth shaping your life. Sometimes these experiences just happen in life by your being at the right (wrong) place at the right (wrong) time on others you make these experiences happen by yourself. One such occasion is when you say NO.
It is said that saying NO is a skill. It seems so as it takes not only personal confidence but also guts to say NO. One more important thing is to judge the occasion when you say no. In my personal experience, I asked a number of people and was responded with the same positive head node and answer. The question was “were you able to see the other side of the picture (of a person or of an event) when you always said YES to whatever the request was or order given”. All answered that you can never see the other side or may be the true side of the picture if you had always been saying yes. The time you say NO you get to face the onslaught from those who were saying yes and from those to whom you say no. You also have to face the consequences of saying NO. Particularly, if this NO is to a man who is in-charge.
My experience is that one never gets to see the CRUDE or CRUEL side of the person if you have always been saying YES. This crude or cruel side is indebted to the deep connections with only one attitude and behavior and that is have a lust to have one’s point reign supreme at all costs. Those who have an uncompromising desire, habit, lust or whatever (positive or negative) reference you attached to it, to WIN are mired by the thinking of winning in all measures and at all costs. Regardless or rules, morality and/or religious codes. When they want to win and just win, they may also bring out reasons to justify their winning in the light of morality, rules and religious codes. They cannot accept NO, they can turn any page to make sure that their wish becomes a command, they will make every effort necessary to make sure that they are perceived as winners and the world knows them as one who never compromised over principles, regardless if these principles are self-created, a result of a personal cocoon or an outcome of an ever-present army of yes men. These principles are also shaped by maneuvering the law, or religious understanding.
Saying NO in this world and to the self-proclaimed masters of this world can only go to make you stronger and wiser. By saying no you see the life side of your LIFE. Your life becomes yours and you feel a personal elevation to the stature where perhaps Allah wants you to take. As he wants you to negate anything but HIM. After knowing so you become clearer about your life and you become cleaner in your approach towards life. This is because saying NO makes you become abundantly open to receive new ideas, thoughts and opportunities. These opportunities can never open their doors if you do not have the courage to close the door behind you, and when you say NO you actually close these doors in the hope of new openings.